Simple steps you can take daily to ‘actually’ support women.

Greetings friend,

I hope you are doing well

I hope you manage to smile , smell flowers, wave at children, lend a hand or cheer for someone while going through your own set of battles.

I also hope there’s someone who makes you laugh and wish time would stop.

But above all, I hope you are consistently making choices that promote your happiness and global well-being.

I am writing to you in hopes to have a discussion about human rights. 

This specific conversation started in my head on March 8th this year.

Right after my then eleven months old nephew forced me to wake up by slapping me, I grabbed my cellphone and found a number of texts from people in my life who were expressing their love and appreciation to women like myself on what they referred to as ‘women’s day’ .

The recurring words were : support-appreciation-womanhood- strong-goddess-resilient-mother-beautiful.

I felt disgruntled and unimpressed.

I was asking myself a very simple question : How can you find a way to elevate someone to the level of a goddess while constantly denying them basic human rights?

So I wrote a thread that I named ‘simple steps you can take daily to ‘actually’ support women’.

I made a list of eight elements. Covering issues of body image, consent, abuse and so on.

 Now before I delve into that, I would like to remind you that society is constantly evolving and in the words of Sheldon Cooper ‘ the inevitability of change is a universal constant’.

When analyzing our collective behaviors, one can easily point out a few things that, in their opinion, should change pronto.

Personally, I believe we should be more intentional as human beings in our quest for an egalitarian world.

With that being said, here goes my small list that I encourage you to lengthen:

Eight simple things to keep in mind  in order to actually support women on a daily basis.

With no substantial proof that muliebrity is closely linked to the point you are about to make,I will encourage you to not include it. It is improper for example to tell a girl that because she is a woman she should not be interested in a given career path.

Gender does not (should not) matter in many places, let us cease to bring it up.

We all have insecurities; they are usually the direct outcome of verbal projectiles coming from other people. This means if we were kinder in the way we chose to comment about other people’s appearances, insecurity levels would considerably drop over time.

What is the point of telling someone they’re ‘too’ dark, plump, skinny, light or tall?

Feel free to educate me on the matter but please don’t be the reason someone who used to feel comfortable in their skin doesn’t anymore.

When a woman and their male counterpart do the same job for the same amount of time. They should be given the same amount of money and / or advantages in compensation. This is simple math. There are no logical reasons why it should not be this way.

Consent is an agreement between adult individuals who want to engage in a sexual activity of their choice. It should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and affirmative expression of consent can help both partners understand and respect each other’s boundaries. 

Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn’t considered consent because it was not given freely. Unequal power dynamics, such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or student, also means that conscent was not freely given since one of the people had a lot to lose if they said ‘no’.

If the sexual act takes place in the absence of conscent what is it called? Yes, sexual assault. 

Oh, and I almost forgot: One has full rights to say yes now then say no thirty seconds later. 

I hope this sums it up for you.

I have nothing against wanting to prepare one’s children for marriage by offering insight and advice since it’s not something to take lightly. Who someone marries can influence their lives in countless ways.

Please extend an invitation to your mentorship program to the boy child as well since it takes two to tango.

Teach your children, regardless of their gender, how to be responsible, respectful, reliable and kind.

And please refrain from making your girls feel like they’re failing at something because they are twenty something and not married. (Mostly because it’s not true)

‘Boy will be boys’ is a phrase that is used to minimize the gravity of a crime a boy commits because that’s just how they are.

This paradigm is problematic because not only does it paint anger and aggression as normal male behaviors, it also gives the impression that there is nothing that can be done about it.

The fact that sexism exists does not mean it should be perpetrated and tolerated. 

Doesn’t it baffle you that most negative comments about this particular conversation come from literate humans that failed to spare a minute to do basic level reading about what it entails? Do not be that person. Have constructive conversations, read, analyze critically and mentally get to a place where your opinion is not rooted in what ‘feels’ okay but in solid truth.

The truth is: women are human beings. Treat them accordingly.

In GOMA where I have lived since I was little, most houses in my neighborhood did not have fences twenty years ago. someone in their kitchen could have a full-blown conversation with their neighbor listening from the comfort of their living room. 

During that time everyone knew everyone’s business. 

I knew about our neighbor who raped his wife’s sister and the wife’s power move was to chase away the girl who conveniently had no other family in town. 

Or our other neighbor who used to beat his wife very early in the morning then calmly got ready to go to work smiling and humming. I was terrified of that man. 

Or the other girl who was raped by armed robbers and couldn’t leave her house until the story ‘died out’ because people were making fun of her. 

‘I know it’s wrong, what can we do? That’s how society is designed’

My point is, the people we refer to when talking about the society are not always faceless government officials embezzling money, sometimes they are seated on our dining table eating fufu.

A month ago, my cousin’s wife was explaining to me that it is good to have ambition but respect is only earned once one has a husband. I quietly told her what was erroneous about her instance and then she said ‘I know it’s wrong, what can we do? That’s how society is designed’

Many times, we speak about the society as if it were a distant entity that we observe and judge from afar. I have personally fallen into that trap and it led me to complaints instead of concrete actions to better my reality. The society is you plus other people like you (more or less).

Winnie Mandela, Patrice Lumumba, Thomas Sankara, Wangari Maathai and others were just men and women.

When a society undergoes a certain type of revolution it’s because someone like you decided to change the narrative. Winnie Mandela, Patrice Lumumba, Thomas Sankara, Wangari Maathai and others were just men and women who: 

1.        Diagnosed the ailment of the society 

2.        Understood their responsibility towards present and future generations

3.         Took action.

        Guess who else can do it? You. 

LET US ALL BE BETTER.

I wrote this in hopes to have you start a conversation with yourself. Before you call me a goddess on March 8th next year,

Think of that time you told that four years old girl that she could not play with a robot, think of the countless ways in which you have been unkind in your comments about women’s bodies. Don’t forget that conversation you had with your niece, urging her to find a husband or else she will bring shame to your family.

Keep in mind that you laugh at sexist jokes because they’re so funny. 

Then be better, let us all be better. 

Peace.

Soso